Thursday 29 December 2011
Christmas
Haven't been on here for a while. The kids are on holidays, and tend to take up my computer time, and although I know I can do this on my phone, I don't know how to, and can't figure it out. Oh well! We had a lovely Christmas this year. I was so proud of my son. We went to our brother and sister-in-laws place, and although there were many people he knew, there was one man he hadn't met at all before. My son shook his hand when offered, and said Merry Christmas too him! I was quite amazed, and very proud. He said Merry Christmas to most people there, and was polite and quiet for most of the time. He didn't eat anything, but seemed happy. I took him home after about three hours, and he had pizza for his tea, which made him very happy. Overall, a very succesful day for my boy.
Wednesday 7 December 2011
Grade Three
I want to share a story from his grade 3 year. His teacher that year was one of his best, and Michael really blossomed under him. The whole class was good for him that year, and he really enjoyed himself.
One afternoon, when picking Michael up, his teacher told me the story of what had occurred that day. They had had a maths test that day. Now maths happens to be Michael's best subject. He has a great knowledge of all things numbers, and it is definitely one of his strengths. He doesn't like writing however. He has low muscle tone in his limbs, quite common with autism, which can make writing hard and tiring. 10 minutes writing for a child with low muscle tone, can be equivalent to 40 minutes for a child with normal strength.
So, this particular day, Michael was in the middle of this test, and he decides he needs a break. The desks had all been arranged in testing style. Michael hops out of his desk, and proceeds to look at every single child's work. Offering suggestions here and there, but basically just sticky-beaking!
Now, did anyone try and stop him, or tell him off? Of course not! The teacher actively encouraged it, and the students all moved when he came by so he could have a better view! If any other child had tried this, they would have been disciplined and sent back to their seat. But not Michael! No one even thought of trying to curb it! No one resented this either. None of the children seem to mind that in some things, Michael gets treated differently. It seems to be just a part of who his is to them.
This nurturing environment has been just wonderful for Michael. It may make some aspects of high school and beyond a bit tougher, but I firmly believe that the more secure a child is early on (any child), the more confident and able they will be later in life. We shall see in the next few years if I am correct I suppose!
One afternoon, when picking Michael up, his teacher told me the story of what had occurred that day. They had had a maths test that day. Now maths happens to be Michael's best subject. He has a great knowledge of all things numbers, and it is definitely one of his strengths. He doesn't like writing however. He has low muscle tone in his limbs, quite common with autism, which can make writing hard and tiring. 10 minutes writing for a child with low muscle tone, can be equivalent to 40 minutes for a child with normal strength.
So, this particular day, Michael was in the middle of this test, and he decides he needs a break. The desks had all been arranged in testing style. Michael hops out of his desk, and proceeds to look at every single child's work. Offering suggestions here and there, but basically just sticky-beaking!
Now, did anyone try and stop him, or tell him off? Of course not! The teacher actively encouraged it, and the students all moved when he came by so he could have a better view! If any other child had tried this, they would have been disciplined and sent back to their seat. But not Michael! No one even thought of trying to curb it! No one resented this either. None of the children seem to mind that in some things, Michael gets treated differently. It seems to be just a part of who his is to them.
This nurturing environment has been just wonderful for Michael. It may make some aspects of high school and beyond a bit tougher, but I firmly believe that the more secure a child is early on (any child), the more confident and able they will be later in life. We shall see in the next few years if I am correct I suppose!
Tuesday 6 December 2011
Guilt
It amazes me the amount of guilt we put upon ourselves as mothers, parents, or just people. I have constantly battled emotions within myself which can tear me down, and make me paralyzed in what I'm doing. It's all those 'what if' or 'if only' statements.
IF ONLY I had taken better care of myself while pregnant!
IF ONLY I wasn't close to having gestational diabetes!
IF ONLY I hadn't given him that drop of milk when he was three months or so, and he hadn't had that allergic reaction!
WHAT IF I had noticed earlier that his babbling development wasn't progressing enough!
IF ONLY I had made him be better!
WHAT IF we had spent more time with him, loved him more, held him more!
The list is endless.
Should we have got him into intense therapy earlier? Would it have helped or put too much pressure on him?
How affected was he by that illness he had at around two? The one that I didn't notice until we needed to go to hospital?
Could I have done anything, been anything, be doing anything different, that would make my son not have autism? How many things can I possibly feel guilty for?
In the end, these feelings of guilt, I have to shake them off. NOTHING I do now can change what happened in the past. I can only do the best with what I have, with who I am. I don't know exactly why my son, or any child for that matter has autism. There is no known cause, just as there is no real cure. I shouldn't feel guilty for trusting my gut, and doing what I believe is best for my child. No one knows my child better than me, and I am currently his advocate when dealing with the world. Every parent wants to protect there child. When your child is not quite the same as another, those feelings of protection seem to intensify.
I still battle with guilt, even if when I'm rational I realise its unjustified. But I no longer let it paralyse me. Journeying with autism has made me a stronger person. Able to stand up and defend not only my son, but myself. I wouldn't wish autism on anyone, but I wouldn't trade who I am today with who I was before I started this journey.
IF ONLY I had taken better care of myself while pregnant!
IF ONLY I wasn't close to having gestational diabetes!
IF ONLY I hadn't given him that drop of milk when he was three months or so, and he hadn't had that allergic reaction!
WHAT IF I had noticed earlier that his babbling development wasn't progressing enough!
IF ONLY I had made him be better!
WHAT IF we had spent more time with him, loved him more, held him more!
The list is endless.
Should we have got him into intense therapy earlier? Would it have helped or put too much pressure on him?
How affected was he by that illness he had at around two? The one that I didn't notice until we needed to go to hospital?
Could I have done anything, been anything, be doing anything different, that would make my son not have autism? How many things can I possibly feel guilty for?
In the end, these feelings of guilt, I have to shake them off. NOTHING I do now can change what happened in the past. I can only do the best with what I have, with who I am. I don't know exactly why my son, or any child for that matter has autism. There is no known cause, just as there is no real cure. I shouldn't feel guilty for trusting my gut, and doing what I believe is best for my child. No one knows my child better than me, and I am currently his advocate when dealing with the world. Every parent wants to protect there child. When your child is not quite the same as another, those feelings of protection seem to intensify.
I still battle with guilt, even if when I'm rational I realise its unjustified. But I no longer let it paralyse me. Journeying with autism has made me a stronger person. Able to stand up and defend not only my son, but myself. I wouldn't wish autism on anyone, but I wouldn't trade who I am today with who I was before I started this journey.
Monday 28 November 2011
Stephen Wiltshire
We were fortunate enough in our city of Brisbane to have Stephen Wiltshire come and do a fly over and drawing of our fair city. I took my daughter in so we could go and have a look at him as he was doing it. He was quite amazing.
I was very interested in the way he was holding his pencil while we watched him. It is an unusual grip, but it is very similar to the way my son holds his pencil. It's made me think about it a lot over the last few days. We have put a lot of effort into changing our sons pencil grip so that it is more 'normal'. It has all been by encouragement and exercises, not force. But I've begun to wonder if this attitude of "everyone must hold a pencil just so" will become how we view forcing people to use only their right hand in times past. Are we, by making our son conform to the norm, making it to unnatural for him to write, and is this why he has so much trouble at it? Would we have been better off just letting him grip it in a way that felt natural for him? I don't know what the right answer to this is, and I don't think we could reverse the changes, but it's an interesting point to ponder.
I loved Stephens work, and plan on purchasing a print of this drawing when it becomes available. I was amazed at how well he was able to concentrate and work with so many people watching. He would pause every few minutes and look around. At first I thought he was looking at the crowd. Then I wondered if he was seeing the city in his head, and visualising what it looked like before putting it on paper. His attention to detail was quite amazing. I have absolutely no idea how he does it!
I felt very privileged to view him working.
Wednesday 23 November 2011
Peer Support!
Over the years of Michael's schooling - he is currently in year 6 - he has had some fantastic teachers who have helped to develop an attitude of care and acceptance within Michael's peer group. I'm going to do a few posts about these kids, to highlight how important they have been to him in his life.
In grade one, one of the first ways his teacher discovered to get him to do something, was to get one of the girls to ask him! He has always been popular among the females, and usually attracts all the little would be mothers! They will tie his shoes, carry his books, show him where to go, and generally do things so he doesn't have to think for himself! Sometimes I wonder if he would have grown up a bit tougher if he hadn't had such accommodating peers, but it has made his primary school years so enjoyable for him, and he is so happy at school, and within himself, that I think the advantages out weigh the disadvantages no end. I believe that giving a child a strong, solid and secure background, where they know they are loved and accepted is the best starting point they could possibly have.
There has been a core group of about 6 students from that first class who have stayed with him right through to now, and will be with him next year as well. I know I am going to cry my eyes out the day he finishes primary to start high school, as all his friends seem to be going to different high schools, so it would have been impossible for him to stay with them. In the end, we have chosen a school that has a superb reputation for supporting special needs children quite close to us, with very low student numbers. It will be hard for him to adjust at first, but I believe it is the right choice for him and have had a lot of positive reinforcement for our choice.
In grade one, one of the first ways his teacher discovered to get him to do something, was to get one of the girls to ask him! He has always been popular among the females, and usually attracts all the little would be mothers! They will tie his shoes, carry his books, show him where to go, and generally do things so he doesn't have to think for himself! Sometimes I wonder if he would have grown up a bit tougher if he hadn't had such accommodating peers, but it has made his primary school years so enjoyable for him, and he is so happy at school, and within himself, that I think the advantages out weigh the disadvantages no end. I believe that giving a child a strong, solid and secure background, where they know they are loved and accepted is the best starting point they could possibly have.
There has been a core group of about 6 students from that first class who have stayed with him right through to now, and will be with him next year as well. I know I am going to cry my eyes out the day he finishes primary to start high school, as all his friends seem to be going to different high schools, so it would have been impossible for him to stay with them. In the end, we have chosen a school that has a superb reputation for supporting special needs children quite close to us, with very low student numbers. It will be hard for him to adjust at first, but I believe it is the right choice for him and have had a lot of positive reinforcement for our choice.
Tuesday 22 November 2011
Michael's Grade One Birthday
Michael's birthday that first year of grade one turned out to be one of the funniest things ever.
About six weeks beforehand we asked him if he wanted a party with any of his friends, or just cup cakes at school and family at home. He was adamant that he did NOT want a party! This was fine, less work for me, and everything was rosy.
The week of his birthday came, and suddenly he turns to me and says,"I've changed my mind, I want a party now" !!! I asked him if he was sure, and he seemed to be, so I now had about three days to organise it. "Who do you want to invite", asked I, he promptly named 6 friends. "Any others" says I, "No", says he. "I am turning 6, therefore I need to invite 6 friends" !!! Who am I to argue with such intrepid logic.
So one busy night creating invitations, which we handed out the next day. Thankfully I new all the mums, so gave the invitations directly to them, with apologies for the short notice. This next bit shows how even then the relationship with his class mates has just been wonderful. Everyone invited was able to come, and none of those not invited seemed to mind. They all accepted Michael just the way he was.
The day of the party arrived, and after frantically cleaning the house (quite normal for my house), we were ready! The party was only going to be for an hour, I think 1pm to 2pm, so hopefully short and sweet. My own philosophy for giving party's has always been to tire them out, feed them lots of sugar, and send them home before the house is destroyed. This was no different.
I think we had a pass the parcel game, pin the tail on the dinosaur, and a few other party games. All the kids had a fantastic time. Played nicely, brought lovely gifts, and where very well behaved. All that is, except Michael! As soon as the first guest arrived, he was happy to accept their presents (most were lego), but then went straight to his room, where he kept to himself almost the entire hour. I think we did manage to coax him out to cut the cake, and get a very reluctant picture, but apart from that, nothing! His class mates, and their parents, all seemed to understand however, so a good time was had by all, and it was a successful party. These parties improved over the years, but he has always been more excited by organising them, then actually participating in them!
About six weeks beforehand we asked him if he wanted a party with any of his friends, or just cup cakes at school and family at home. He was adamant that he did NOT want a party! This was fine, less work for me, and everything was rosy.
The week of his birthday came, and suddenly he turns to me and says,"I've changed my mind, I want a party now" !!! I asked him if he was sure, and he seemed to be, so I now had about three days to organise it. "Who do you want to invite", asked I, he promptly named 6 friends. "Any others" says I, "No", says he. "I am turning 6, therefore I need to invite 6 friends" !!! Who am I to argue with such intrepid logic.
So one busy night creating invitations, which we handed out the next day. Thankfully I new all the mums, so gave the invitations directly to them, with apologies for the short notice. This next bit shows how even then the relationship with his class mates has just been wonderful. Everyone invited was able to come, and none of those not invited seemed to mind. They all accepted Michael just the way he was.
The day of the party arrived, and after frantically cleaning the house (quite normal for my house), we were ready! The party was only going to be for an hour, I think 1pm to 2pm, so hopefully short and sweet. My own philosophy for giving party's has always been to tire them out, feed them lots of sugar, and send them home before the house is destroyed. This was no different.
I think we had a pass the parcel game, pin the tail on the dinosaur, and a few other party games. All the kids had a fantastic time. Played nicely, brought lovely gifts, and where very well behaved. All that is, except Michael! As soon as the first guest arrived, he was happy to accept their presents (most were lego), but then went straight to his room, where he kept to himself almost the entire hour. I think we did manage to coax him out to cut the cake, and get a very reluctant picture, but apart from that, nothing! His class mates, and their parents, all seemed to understand however, so a good time was had by all, and it was a successful party. These parties improved over the years, but he has always been more excited by organising them, then actually participating in them!
Thursday 17 November 2011
Premature Birth Day
Today's blog is for my friend Kylie at Not Even a Bag of Sugar
I have to admit I haven't had a lot to do with premature babies, or even small babies. Both of my own children were overdue, and at 8lb 14oz, and 10lb 8oz, definitely not considered small!
After reading the account from Not Even a Bag of Sugar of her experience, as well as some of her friends blogs, including Mummypinkwellies and 24weekers I was extremely moved. I don't know how I would have coped with a sick baby, who you couldn't hold or take home, or otherwise care for for weeks and months. To go so long dealing with such uncertainty must be heartbreaking, and I have nothing but admiration for any family who must go through it.
I would like this post to be a salute to all Mums, Dads, and Bubs who have been affected by prematurity, and to vow to hold them in my prayers, and support them when given the opportunity.
God Bless everyone of you.
I have to admit I haven't had a lot to do with premature babies, or even small babies. Both of my own children were overdue, and at 8lb 14oz, and 10lb 8oz, definitely not considered small!
After reading the account from Not Even a Bag of Sugar of her experience, as well as some of her friends blogs, including Mummypinkwellies and 24weekers I was extremely moved. I don't know how I would have coped with a sick baby, who you couldn't hold or take home, or otherwise care for for weeks and months. To go so long dealing with such uncertainty must be heartbreaking, and I have nothing but admiration for any family who must go through it.
I would like this post to be a salute to all Mums, Dads, and Bubs who have been affected by prematurity, and to vow to hold them in my prayers, and support them when given the opportunity.
God Bless everyone of you.
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